Meet the Peer: Matthew Thompson

Whitney (00:47)

I’m your host, Whitney Medarcheck, and on this episode of Meet the Peer, we have Matthew Thompson.

a certified peer support specialist and community health worker in South Dakota. Welcome, Matthew.

Matthew Thompson (00:58)

Thank you.

Whitney (01:01)

So to get us started, I’d love to hear about your journey, your lived experience.

Matthew Thompson (01:08)

Well, up until three years ago, I did not think I had any trauma, any hurts, habits, hangups, any struggles. I was kind of on the top of the world. I spent 45 years in denial of so many things. I spent 28 years as a Marine enlisted officer. So I did three combat tours to Iraq and one combat tour to Afghanistan.

And those things kind of messed me up. And those were kind of the things that led to some of my mental health breakdown and substance use abuse, substance use disorder. And I fell apart. So.

After examining it and learning more about myself and developing my self-awareness, what I realized is that I spent 45 years stuffing, denying, hiding, running from anything that was painful, anything that was negative, anything that was hurtful, and I would just stuff it somewhere and not deal with it. And I kind of…

liken this to smoking cigarettes. You know, you smoke cigarettes for 45 years, every time you take a puff on a cigarette, it is like putting cancer into your body. It’s putting those chemicals in there. And then at some point, all of a sudden, you come up with lung disease and you’re like, it hits you and there’s no taking it back. So every time I stuffed one of those negative emotions, I stuffed one of those traumatic events, it was toxins building up in my body.

And three years ago, I had a mental health breakdown and I went through a divorce. I got a PTSD, adjustment disorder, general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and I found myself suicidal.

And I didn’t know what to do with that. So I sought out help for that help understanding that from other people At the same time that my mind broke down my body broke down and I was experiencing a lot of physical issues my shoulder my left shoulder was all screwed up from years of beating it up and I needed to get surgery on him and after that surgery. I was still in a just depressed state, right?

where I wanted to kill myself and they gave me some oxycontin and You know, I took that and it made me feel much better the pain But then I found where I took a couple more I felt much better about my life because I didn’t feel much at all so then I moved from those two Hydrocoding as well and continued to go back and forth doctor shopping and going to different

doctors complaining about my shoulder surgery until they would not allow me to have any more. At the same time they put me on benzos and I was taking those two and it got so bad that I told them I needed surgery on my other shoulder too because this one had hurt too and they didn’t so I got an extra surgery just so I could get some more drugs and I would take one.

I got to liking the taste of them. I would chew them and I would choose them and then I would put some other ones in his jar and that jar was my end solution so one for me one for the jar one for me one for the jar and Just plummeted and I knew that I had addictive problems because I struggled with alcohol and

because of the bad decision I was making with it, I stopped drinking alcohol in 2007. So I’ve actually been sober from alcohol since 2007. And in November of this year, I’ll be sober from abusing prescription medications, oxyhydro and…

Benzos, so, you know, opioids and benzos. So it’ll be two years for that. And my suicidal ideations, I still struggled with those quite a bit longer. Took a lot of therapy, a lot of counseling, and had to work through a lot of trauma. The things that I just did not even think hurt me. I used to say that I didn’t get PTSD, I gave PTSD.

And I used to say that those things didn’t bother me because I never picked those things up and I never let them bother me. But they were there and they were just stuffed down, undealt with, and it took a lot of work to deal with those. So.

That’s my story. That’s how I kind of got to where I am. And then all those things that I struggled with, um, I just turned them into advocacy. So when I retired from the Marine Corps, instead of going into, you know, another defense contracting job or doing something like that, um, I went to work, um, with homeless ministry, um, and, uh, I.

Whitney (06:05)

Wow.

Matthew Thompson (06:06)

took all my Suicidal ideations and now you know advocate against suicide and you know because I can understand You know how you get there and how it feels And I lied, you know my master. I’m still a master manipulator and So that was the struggle that I had

But now I’ve turned all those things into just advocacy. You know, I help co-facilitate AA meetings, celebrate recovery meetings. I volunteer with the National Alliance on Mental Illness and I advocate and talk on suicide as well.

Whitney (06:46)

Wow, wow, that is…

Matthew Thompson (06:47)

Mm-hmm. It was hard

Whitney (06:52)

I mean, there’s just so much there that you could really unpack, right? I mean, a veteran, thank you for your service. And we know that veterans nationwide are struggling and, you know, it’s not, there’s a, people do pay attention, but sometimes it’s a little bit more performative attention than actual doing what’s needed, standing alongside.

And then, you know, you mentioned benzodiazepines and those are just unfortunately, you know, still a big problem, but people seem to dismiss them. And then that trauma, I had a mentor once who told me that trauma is like one of those blow up beach balls. So, you know, with like the white, red, yellow paneling. And it’s as if you’re trying to push it under the water, the harder you push it down.

the harder it’s gonna smack you in the face when it comes back up. And you have to like easily, like really address it to control it. You can’t just push it down. So wow, and here you are today doing so much, not only to tend to yourself, but to tend to so many people in your community that are in need. And you are now also a peer specialist.

I imagine all of that is what led you to become a peer specialist, but what was kind of that determining factor for you?

Matthew Thompson (08:22)

Well, at the height of my suicidal ideations and the height of my depression, I knew that, I guess I knew enough that I had to get my eyes off of myself. That the more I looked and felt bad for myself, the more I reveled in that regret and thought about the regret.

the worse it was. So I started volunteering at a homeless mission and I found that I was no different than they were except for I made a lot more money. But inside, I was just as broken as they were and there was no difference. I just fell in love with working with other people and helping people. I found that I was good at it. So I turned to…

That’s what gives me fulfillment. It’s when I, you know, I still struggle. And the times I struggle is when I’m not actually involved or doing something, I’m not giving back. You know, in a lot of recovery groups, you’ve heard it said you can’t keep what you don’t give away. You know, so that’s really it. It’s like, you know, giving back, helping others, and that’s what keeps me sober. It’s what keeps me in line. And…

taken to using all those hurts for good. A mentor of mine says, you know, God doesn’t waste pain. You know, everything that I’ve gone through can be used and can help other people as they’re going through it along their journey.

Whitney (09:46)

Yes. And how would you, you know, whenever someone learns that you’re a peer support, how would you explain what peer support even is?

Matthew Thompson (09:55)

So, you know, I tell people peer support. I’m not a licensed therapist. I’m not a counselor. I am just somebody with lived experience that has been through what other people have been through so I can relate. And I try not to

give lots and lots of advice and say well this is what you should do this we should do the best thing to do is just to listen and to be there and support and walk side by side with them but being able to understand it is really key to it I don’t know how many times I’ve sat there you know in a chair or

sitting on a couch in a counselor’s office or therapist’s office and you know they got their degrees up there on the wall behind them you know and they got their the you know they got their certifications and I think this guy has no idea this woman has no idea what I’ve gone through and how I really feel she may be good at empathy she may be good at you know academically he may really try to but I don’t feel like he really gets it.

And I feel like, you know, he’s sitting there listening to me because he’s getting paid to not because he wants to um Whereas a peer support specialist really has been there and understands it and they’re not here to Make money. They’re here to we’re here to help other people because we want to see them Succeed and overcome their addictions their struggles their traumas and

And I’m probably making too much light of the counselors and the therapists. You know, some of them probably do have that lived experience, but there’s this, there’s this professionalism line that they want to keep. So even if they do understand that they’re not going to say, Oh yeah, I completely understand. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I’ve had the same struggles, the same feelings. They’re not going to offer that. They’re going to, you know, listen, give advice and sit on their high horse, you know, and not

get down there in the mud. And that’s what peer support specialist does is get down there in the mud and walk beside, sit beside.

Whitney (12:08)

There’s a validation that only a peer can offer. And you know, we all wanna make sure, like it’s not just me, I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way and only a peer can say, no, I’ve been there. I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly how you’re feeling.

Matthew Thompson (12:11)

us.

Yes.

Whitney (12:27)

And kind of going back a little bit, you mentioned that there’s like purpose for you in being a peer and it’s part of what really helps you tend to yourself as well. Is that what excites you most about being a peer? Or what would you say does it kind of get you just beaming with pride? Oh, did I? Oh no. All right, I’m back though.

Matthew Thompson (12:46)

Whitney, you froze up. You froze up there for a minute. Yeah.

Yeah, you’re back. Just finish the question. What is it? That’s all I got.

Whitney (12:57)

Yeah. So, so you mentioned finding purpose from being a peer and how that helps you as well. I’m curious, is that what excites you about being a peer? Is that what gets you really proud of the work that you do?

Matthew Thompson (13:14)

Absolutely. To me there’s nothing better than seeing somebody else succeed. I go to a meeting on Thursday nights and at the meeting we always started off with, you know, what are your wins from this week? And oftentimes my wins aren’t necessarily mine, they’re wins of other people that I’ve been able to walk with. So I’ll be able to, you know, share that, you know.

One of my friends is 30 days sober. You know, one of my friends, you know, decided to go into rehab today. You know, one of my friends, you know, one of my friends, you know, got the first apartment, whatever it is. But, you know, I get to walk with them and see that. So it’s not really my win, but it’s, you know, I got to be part of it, right? So that’s what excites me about peer support too, is I get to be there to see those wins, you know.

Understanding that to do that you have to walk through those hard times too You know when to be there when that person is on the breakdown You know of abusing or the breakdown of depression or completely feels

worthless, you know, hopeless, just wallowing in regret and living and thinking about the past and not being able to get over it. That guilt, that shame overcomes them, but to be able to tell them that it’s going to be okay, you know, and just make it through one more day. So yeah, it’s now what gives me purpose.

Whitney (14:42)

I can see that the way that you talk about it. It’s very inspiring.

And the life experiences that you offer support for, you’ve mentioned suicidal ideation, alcohol use, opioid use, you are a veteran. Any other life experiences that you offer support, peer support for?

Matthew Thompson (15:06)

Oh yeah, I mean so a lot of it started, you know, I would have never guessed this, but through therapy and through really digging deep, you know, a lot of this stuff started in my childhood. You know, I thought I had the Leave It To Beaver Midwest version, you know, family life, but now I realize that there’s so much more there.

especially when it comes to like school, you know, I was bullied. And, you know, part of that bullying is what taught me how to stuff my emotions and to act tough, pretend tough and get through that. And then that led me to the Marine Corps, where, you know, it’s like, I wasn’t going to have anybody treat me that way. And I just learned how to be tougher still. So I also have, unfortunately.

I have experience with domestic abuse, domestic violence, which led to the destruction of a 26-year marriage. So I lost my family because of my actions with abuse. And when I got my PTSD diagnosis, I thought, great, here’s my excuse. I’ve got an excuse. I’ve got PTSD. So I do have lived life experience as an abuser. It’s hard to admit.

and I’ve done everything I can and I continue to work to be a better man. And I’ve also got the veteran at combat experience that is just as applicable to first responders. They’ve often seen the same thing and felt that same pressure. There are things that I saw and did that I wish I hadn’t. And you don’t have a choice often. It’s what you have to do. But.

So those are other areas that life experience I have to offer.

Whitney (16:50)

Yeah, not always a choice and certainly not time to process. You have to keep compartmentalizing and then it’s almost then you’re balancing, pushing down two different beach balls. So that’s a lot. So you can certainly touch on a lot of different life experiences. Is there anything you’d like people to know about kind of your style, what it would be like to work with you?

Matthew Thompson (17:16)

What I’ve, and I’ve learned this from my mentors, I’ve learned this from people in my life. The people that I trust the most are the ones that I can relate with the most and to be able to relate with a person, they have to be open, they have to be honest, they have to be vulnerable themselves. You know, I’m not a perfect person. I still have my struggles. I’ve got ways to cope with them and I’m, you know, doing well and I’ve been doing well for a while. So

I guess I’m probably just one step ahead, right? And that’s all you need to be, just one step ahead. And you know, so my…

approach to it is really that personal personable in it with them. And I’m a very committed person too. I guess that’s the Marine Corps Semper Fi. You know, I don’t do this for the money. I do this because of relationship. And that’s what you know, what a person could expect of me is that is that I would be there. And that

I would be open and honest and you know, non-judgmental is huge. You know, you have to have a safe environment. You know, it’s got to be a safe place where a person trusts you. And then the other thing on top of that is that… Are you still there? You look frozen again. You are frozen, aren’t you? Hello Whitney. You are frozen.

Whitney (18:33)

Are you there?

Matthew Thompson (18:44)

You’re frozen, so I don’t know of any idea if you hear what I’m saying. This is being recorded, or I should say again. So yeah.

Whitney. Hello Whitney. Well I don’t know if this is going to be recorded if anybody can see this but she’s got me she’s I think she’s trying to text me.

She says, it looks like I froze. I’m gonna tell her, no, you’re the one that froze.

Matthew Thompson (19:17)

Well, it’s gonna be interesting to see where it froze.

Whitney (19:20)

Alright. It looked like I was active on my end, but clearly I wasn’t, so sorry about that.

Matthew Thompson (19:26)

It looked like I was active on my end too, so I just kept talking. I just kept saying, I said that Whitney’s frozen, so just ignore her. Brownie.

Whitney (19:29)

Yeah, that worked.

You have the personality to be the host of this thing rather than me. I will kind of pick up, I’ll respond to what you had said. It should actually save both ends, so I’m hoping that we’ll be able to piece it together. But okay, let me get back to… So what I heard when you were kind of describing your style is that you’re very authentic.

Matthew Thompson (19:41)

No, I don’t think so.

Whitney (20:06)

You’re going to be real with a person and they’re going to be able to know who you are as you are with them is truly who you are.

Matthew Thompson (20:14)

Yeah, I think that’s really important. Yeah, you have to be open, vulnerable. You have to be real. And you have to be safe. There’s no judgment. And that’s really important too. And shame is some of the worst things that keep us hidden and keep us from addressing our issues and being able to create that relationship where a person can share their struggles without feeling judged.

or criticized, condemned, that’s just huge. That was a huge part of my recovery when I found that and when I was able to address those issues. So, I guess that’s the way I approach peer support.

Whitney (21:01)

And that shame, you know, there’s so much, I mean, knowing can beat us up worse than ourselves. But then there’s also the stigma that surrounds recovery, substance use, mental health illness, all these different opinions out there. And it does have a detrimental effect. We know that stigmatizing language and actions are resulting in deaths.

If you could say something to challenge stigma, whether it’s in general or around a certain topic, what would it be?

Matthew Thompson (21:38)

Well, I think the stigma comes from, you know, the sticks in the mud, I guess. The stigma sticks in the mud because, you know, when it comes down to it, everybody’s got struggles, you know. And you know, those folks, the people that put that stigma out there or believe that stigma are just walking in their own judgmental attitudes, not looking at themselves. You know, the person that’s in recovery is a lot more honest.

and a lot more real than the fake mask that’s being worn around in the world that’s trying to judge and put down other people. They’re just hiding it deeper and they are struggling, they’re just hiding it. And they don’t have the courage to tackle it and to deal with it. And many of them will at some point be faced with it and then they won’t have much of a choice. Just like…

like many of us are just like I was for many, many years. Did not believe in taking medications, did not believe in any of that stuff. And now then I had to take them. And my world changed, my worldview changed. And many people that don’t, they’re just not addressing it. They’re in denial or they haven’t focused on it. They’ve never met somebody. The first time that I worked with a homeless person, I was…

I was just bagging on this homeless person and saying, look at this bum over there. And one of my friends said, well, what are you doing for him? So I took him to pizza, sat down and talked to him and got to know him and became friends with him. And that was the beginning of my journey of looking at people differently and looking at the homeless population differently. And then, you know, through my life, then I’ve been able to see, you know, as I, as I,

walk down the same path as some of these other ones and their destructive habits, whether it’s drug abuse, alcohol abuse, domestic violence, all of those things, mental illness, my perspective has changed and I have realized how judgmental I was at one time. And I think that there’s a lot of people that are stuck in that too still. I don’t know. I think once you face your…

addiction or diagnosis or whatever it is, it’s like a new normal. And those that don’t get it, they’re the ones that aren’t normal. They’re the ones that, well, they’re the ones on the outside now.

Whitney (24:21)

Yeah, there’s definitely a shift going on in which it’s a little bit safer to be vulnerable, certainly not where it needs to be, but having people like yourself out there who are providing that safe space, that’s what’s going to make a difference and going to save lives. And there’s going to be someone who listens to this interview or watches it and is currently having a hard time. What would you like them to hear?

Matthew Thompson (24:52)

First off, that you’re valued. That’s the most important one. That you’re important. And that you might think that nobody cares, but that’s not true because I care, and I know that Whitney cares, and a lot of other people care, even though we don’t know who you are, who they are, we care about them. And if we connected, then you would see that, and you would know that.

And not just me, but anyone. Sometimes you just gotta pick up the phone. And that’s a hard thing to do. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to pick up the phone and call someone or reach out to someone. Yeah, that’s the first step sometimes. And then you gotta be able to do it for somebody else. Let them know you care.

Whitney (25:43)

Matthew, I can’t thank you enough for being vulnerable, sharing your story of triumph, but also recognizing that to get to triumph, you go through some really hard times. And I just really appreciate everything that you shared today.

Matthew Thompson (25:59)

Thank you. Thanks, I appreciate it.