Replacing Shame & Stigma with Confidence & Self-Acceptance | Angel Fuller

Whitney Menarcheck

 Today we’re revisiting one of our very first episodes where I spoke with Angel Fuller, a certified peer specialist. Angel’s message of self -acceptance is one that absolutely everybody needs to hear. So stay tuned and get ready to be inspired as we reduce the stigma. 

Whitney Menarcheck

Hello and welcome to Meet the Peer, a special series where we shine the spotlight on peer specialists. On this episode of Meet the Peer, we have Angel Fuller, a certified peer support specialist in North Carolina. Welcome, Angel.Good morning. Hello. Thank you so much for joining me and being willing to share your story with all of us.

Angel Fuller

Well, thank you for having me. I appreciate it. And so what I’d love to start with is if you can just share your journey, what your lived experience is. boy, a little bit of, well, I would say co -occurring. So some mental health history as well as substance…use history. Presently for today, I’ve been in recovery for over 11 years from substance use and work diligently every day to maintain the mental health portion of that. That one for me can be a little bit more difficult, but making sure that I stay on top of it and do all of the things that are in my personal care plan to maintain that mental health is very important for me.So lengthy sobriety, but not as long in the mental health category.And it’s something that a lot of people experience, having to tend to both, you know, mental health and substance use. And it can be complicated and difficult. Any tricks or tips that you have for someone who may also be experiencing a co -occurring diagnosis? Personally, I think first and foremost, maintaining sobriety off the top because there’s no way that you can work on your mental health if you’re introducing substances into your body that can alter your moods by themselves, then it becomes really difficult to separate the line of what is your actual mental health and what is a result of that substance use. So first and foremost, just maintaining the abstinence from substances. Then we can delve deeper into the mental health portion of that. I encourage therapy, obviously, peer support, because that’s why I’m here. Medication management, if necessary making sure your support system is in place and having those secure people that you feel comfortable introducing into your life so that when you are in the midst of that panic or that crisis, whether it’s the want to use the substances or struggling in a downward spiral with your mental health, that person that you can go to who can immediately know who to contact for you and what to do for you.

Whitney Menarcheck 

Thank you. Those are very helpful. And you mentioned peer support. Of course, like you said, that that’s why we’re here today, why we’re talking. Can you share in your own words, what is peer support?

Angel Fuller

I think of peer support as your number one companion. the first person that you can go to in the midst of a crisis. Sometimes it’s hard to go to your family or your friends because you’re afraid of the judgment. Maybe they felt like you were doing really, really good lately and you don’t want to let them down by telling them that you are struggling. That peer support is somebody who can carry you along the journey from the start onward. Specifically for me, I liked being with my clients from the very beginning and getting to know them and watching them grow, but also being there in those backslides because they’re going to happen. I’ve heard the term so many times, relapse is part of recovery. And I don’t know if that’s true for everybody, but that relapse could be substance, that relapse could be in your mental health care. And we’re the person who’s not going to judge you at all. We’re the unbiased individual who’s not afraid to pick you back up at any given time and that can be extremely powerful, that safe, non -judgmental space. That’s certainly one aspect of why peer support is so important. What would you say are some other key aspects of peer support that makes it so important? Accountability. Just because I’m not going to judge you doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be firm with you. You know, sometimes we don’t need somebody to always pat us on the back. And oftentimes friends and family, they’re, you know, we’re fearful of their judgment, but then…They’re also afraid of seeing us harm ourselves. So sometimes they might be willing to enable our choices and our behaviors. And as a peer support, I’m not going to enable your behaviors or your choices, but I will show you ways to work through your behaviors and your choices. So we’re here for non -judgmental support, but we’re also here for accountability. And accountability, providing you further resources, leading you in a direction to become independent. You know, I’m going to hold your hand, but I want you to be able to do it on your own because I may not be here forever. You know, so teaching independence, accountability, along with the lack of judgment.

Whitney Menarcheck 

And what led you to become a peer specialist? 

Angel Fuller

When I first started my journey into recovery with substance use specifically, I remember the process. So my dad came and he picked me up and he took me to the hospital and the hospital said, okay, you have a problem. We’re going to send you to detox. And then I did that. You know, I went straight from the hospital to the detox and that was seven days of intense, you know, let’s just make sure you don’t die because. My drug of choice was alcohol. I used other substances too, but my main substance of choice was alcohol. And as we most commonly know, alcohol detox can be deadly. So, you know, the only goal in my detox was to make sure that I made it out of there in seven days, you know, still intact. So I did that. But then after I left there, what, what’s next? Right. So I went back home. What am I supposed to do there? I don’t know how to live like this. This isn’t something that I’ve done in a long time. I have not adulted without substances in a very long time. What do I do? And I remember my dad’s wife searching for programs for me. And the hardest part of finding a program for me was I’m not a criminal. I have no criminal record whatsoever. And I encountered with all the programs, they would tell her, well, if she’s not court ordered to come here, we can’t help her and so I even had a gentleman in the AA rooms, he did alcohol assessments and things like that for the court system. And he says, I hate to tell you this, he said, but you might just have to go back out there one more time and seriously mess up and get yourself in trouble if you want the help you say you want. And I wasn’t willing to do that. Right. So my dad’s wife finally found one program that accepted only the willing, not the court ordered, just the willing and I went through that program. It was intensive. It was in -house. And it was amazing. And even at that point, I still had not learned about peer supports. But a few years into sobriety, I learned about peer support specialists. And I was like, those are the people. Those are the people who could have helped me in the beginning when I didn’t know where to go. And I was choosing between staying sober and in recovery or going back out and making, illegal decisions because that seemed to be the only way to get help. those are the people who could have walked with me and held my hand through the process. And even if I had never found a program to go to, I would have known that there was somebody else like me and you know, them sharing their stories with me and their experiences with me on how they stopped themselves from making those decisions and how to live in as, as an adult in society again without substances and things like that. So when I found out about the program, my past negative experience with trying to be in recovery is what made me want to do this.

Whitney Menarcheck 

That is disturbing that you hit a roadblock because you did not have that record, criminal record. And it’s just a sad example of how our system really falls short in many ways. And what a great point that peers can help figure out the very complex way to go about the system, finding treatment, getting into treatment. How to live life in recovery. I mean, there’s so much experience that provides that perspective and that insight that no one else can offer. Indeed. And what excites you? What gets you just so eager to work with someone as a peer specialist?

Angel Fuller

I like to say all the time, I just have a spirit of service, right? So to be there for the individual, like, when I first started my recovery journey, I remember my oldest child was three and my biggest fear was her despising me the way I had despised my mother. I grew up without her and that was by her choice, right? And I felt like if I didn’t find myself in this recovery program, then she would feel as if I had chosen not to be there for her. So it’s not just about me and it’s not just about the person that I work with. It’s about the individuals that are in their lives around them as well. It’s a whole system situation, right? If we can assist in aiding and recovering the individual, then we can aid in recovering the family unit and then the friends and then the employment. Peer support to me is very much like the dichotomy between psychology and social work, right?

We suffer from these things that come from us biologically, maybe the substance use and the mental health deficits, but then those things are also exacerbated by what we have going on in society and in our lives. And it’s peer support is almost like marrying the two of those together. And so being able to bring the personal knowledge and education from myself and then the understanding of the biology and the understanding of the need for the social supports. And in

providing all that to the individual in one place, like they don’t have to search for it. That’s what makes me want to do peer support for the individual.

Whitney Menarcheck 

That’s really admirable. It’s complex out there and you’re right, helping one person, they’re loved by people. They have people in their lives and you can impact many, many more than that one maybe identified individual you’re working directly with. Now you shared that you have a co -occurring diagnosis with substance use and mental health. What…experiences do you offer peer support for? This could be things like grief, trauma, parenting, anything else that you’d like people to know that you have that experience with. gosh, grief and trauma for sure. Childhood trauma, early adult trauma, sexual abuse trauma, also being a caregiver or family member of someone with physical disabilities.

Angel Fuller

I have one child who has extreme physical disabilities and I have another one who has mental health concerns as well. So being a parent and a guardian and a caregiver of those who are struggling with long -term care needs, whether it be your child or your family member or whatever, because I also have 10 years of ongoing experience in the actual medical field itself too. So I don’t just work on this side. I work with the physical body as well. So…even in that regard, I’ve got to work with patients and their families as far as the grief and decision making and dealing with families with long -term care needs and such like that too. Post -traumatic stress disorder. I can even give you a little bit of knowledge on financially savvy choices. I’m a full -time college student in my 30s, so I can also assist with how to…make those transitions back into the education realm to enhance your education to be better in society as well. And I love to provide workplace experience or, you know, workplace counseling as far as trying to find employment that suits your aptitudes and things like that. 

Whitney Menarcheck 

Very strings, it sounds. Try. Yeah.Lots of things there that you can really meet a lot of people who are in need of that type of support. So that’s incredible. Obviously, my heart is with you for everything you’ve been through. It just kind of shows that peer support is for far more than mental health and substance use. It’s about getting through life with someone who knows and who has been there. Is there anything else you would like people to know about your style as a peer specialist? 

Angel Fuller

Well, in the very beginning, I would say that I am very much interested. There’s an intense desire to get to know you, right? I don’t dive straight into what can we do for you and how can we help you because I can’t help you if I don’t know you. So that’s important to me is first just getting the space and time to get to know you and for you to get to know me. it’s a great space and time to share stories and experiences and things like that. but once we get into the hard stuff, we get into the hard stuff and you know, I always leave a space and a time for you to step back and reflect and evaluate on where we are and you know, why it’s hard and why it hurts. but then I push you and encourage you to continue to work past that and through that because the other side is so much more exciting than all the stuff we’ve been holding on to and going through. And so I want you to see those joys and see those excitements, but you can’t get there until you work through all the things first. So I’ll be encouraging and I’ll be kind and I’ll be patient, but I’ll probably be tough too.

Whitney Menarcheck 

That makes me think, and coming full circle to what you said earlier on, that you want the person to be able to do these things, that you’re not necessarily going to be there for everything and forever. 

Yeah. You want them to be able to have the skills and that’s very empowering. It is. It is. I mean, you know, and I think just even to raising my kids, right? Like I struggle immensely with the idea of my oldest child becoming an independent individual in society without me. Like it literally tears my heart out. I remember being at a meeting for her school not too long ago and they said, okay, well in about a year, we’re gonna start talking about college and independent living and all those things. And I was like, hold on a minute. We will not talk about that, but I have to be able to build her up to do those things. Right? Because my biggest fear is for the day when I pass and hoping that I have given her enough emotionally, mentally, financially, support system wise, and that she has gained a network of her own people that are going to be able to carry her far past my existence. And so if I am required and require of myself to give that to her than when I work with a peer. I require of myself to give that to them too, because I can be here and hold your hand and do everything for you today. But when the day comes that you have to do this by yourself, what are you going to do? Are you going to be able to do it or are you going to regress or are you just going to stand in place and do nothing? What are you going to do without me? And I want you to have the faith and confidence in yourself that even without me, you have all the ability to do all those things that you’ve learned and had a desire for and you’re gonna make it.

Whitney Menarcheck 

I love that. That’s, that’s helping people prepare for long -term independent success. That’s it.

So coming to our final questions, you know, we are challenging stigma. We want to reduce it and really just eliminate it would be preferable. If you had only one thing you could say to challenge stigma, whatever comes to mind for you when you hear that word, what would it be? To challenge stigma?

Angel Fuller

It’s okay to be different. It doesn’t matter if you have mental health issues. It doesn’t matter if you have substance issues. It doesn’t matter if you have physical disabilities. It doesn’t matter if you’re the smartest person in the room, but you have no friends. We’re not required to be the same ever in any form of life. And the only person you’re in competition with tomorrow is who you were yesterday. So it’s okay to be different. I’m not bothered. I’m just not bothered. I know that when people say they’re not bothered, that typically carries a negative connotation, but really, I’m just not bothered. And if you’re not bothered, then it doesn’t matter. That sounds very freeing. Yeah, that’s more than one word, but yeah. Yeah. No, no, that was amazing. I mean, that that’s incredible to be able to let go of what of caring about what others think about us. Not in that I don’t care. I’m giving up sense, but in that I am comfortable with myself and I know who I am. That is very freeing and can really allow someone to live in a completely different way. For sure. I mean, don’t get me wrong, we’re all human. So at some point somebody’s going to hurt her feelings, right? And we’re going to feel that for a minute. But just like I tell my daughter from time to time, you know, you can go there and you can be there for a minute, but don’t pack a bag. You know, you got things to do, you know? So even though I say I’m not bothered and I’m okay with it, I’m just like anybody else every now and again, I might feel that stigma or I might feel that shame from what my past life is and believe you me there’s some people in my life who still like to remind me who I was. But today I know myself right so when so -and -so says well back then you did xyz I take accountability for that of course I did that 100 % no denying it but that’s not who I am now. So I’m not bothered at the end of the day, you’re going to hurt my feelings for a second. And then I’m going to remind myself that I’m better than I was yesterday. And I’m better than I was 10 years ago and it doesn’t matter. And if you don’t like me, well, unfortunately that’s a personal problem. 

Whitney Menarcheck 

That’s right. That’s right. And I mean, this is perfect tie in here. There’s going to be someone watching this interview or maybe listening to it and they’re having a difficult time. What would you like them to hear?

Angel Fuller

I want you and take that however you take it, but I want you, I want you to feel better. I want you to come to me. I want you to have faith in yourself. I want you to desire better. I want you fill in the blank.

Whitney Menarcheck 

Wow.I’m a little speechless. That’s, I hope they hear that. I hope that they truly hear that. And I just am excited for people to be able to connect with you. And if you’re listening to this and are watching this interview and you would like to work with Angel, you can look at the details for this video and see the link to connect with her directly. But I just can’t thank you enough, Angel, for joining me and sharing your story and your very uplifting perspective on the role that peers can play. And I thank you for having me. I’ll be honest with you, I got a little personally emotional because these aren’t things that people ask me on a regular basis, right? But, you know, when you fill out a form online to describe yourself as…for me, it’s hard to get passionate about who I am and what I want to do for other people. But being able to say it out loud, that’s meant a lot to me today. So thank you. I’m honored to have been able to be part of this conversation with you. And I’m sure that we’re going to have people really eager to connect with you as well. So thank you so much again. And we will be seeing you hopefully soon again to have more inspiring conversations. Thank you. 

Angel Fuller

Thank you.